<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>what could’ve been (and what can be) by honeyeji</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132264">what could’ve been (and what can be)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyeji/pseuds/honeyeji'>honeyeji</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ITZY (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Parents, Alternate Universe - Politics, Babysitting, Childhood Friends, F/F, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Kid Fic, Mutual Pining, My First AO3 Post, Parenthood, Single Parents, Slice of Life, ish, yeji has one (1) kid and its yuna periodt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:28:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyeji/pseuds/honeyeji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yeesh, Concerned Mom does not look good on you." Jisu teases Yeji, knowing that Concerned Mom looks so good on her. This sucks. Jisu is attracted to a Concerned Mom politician. Jisu might as well break into the Blue House and spray paint the words "I love Hwang Yeji" onto it.</p><p>(or: Jisu has been pathetically in love with Yeji, who is progressing through her life so well: she has a kid and a legit job as a politician, and all Jisu has done was write love songs and babysit her kid.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Jisu | Lia/Hwang Yeji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>193</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>what could’ve been (and what can be)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>the obligatory: my first ao3 fic aaaaaaa</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisu hasn't seen Yeji in forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's Yeji's wedding, and she's been invited like it isn't painful to watch your childhood crush marry someone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu didn't have the heart to decline though, so she sits pretty on an outdoor lawn chair that faces an intricate gazebo, where Yeji will, presumably, get married.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are too many people there. Most of them are politicians, Yeji's colleagues. Jisu has little to no knowledge about the government, so she can't mingle with any of them. They're using Yeji's wedding as a campaign event, which is an asshole move, but Jisu's already eaten half of the hors d'oeuvres they served, so she can't talk. They're all assholes here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ceremony begins. Little kids sprinkle petals. It's not a clean job, they're clearly grabbing a fistful and tossing them onto the ground, but they're trying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The groom walks up, and Jisu is so painfully reminded that, oh yeah, Yeji's not gay. Yeji told Jisu about her husband-to-be, how he has his own business making gourmet foods. She sounds so happy whenever she talks about him. Jisu just has to nod along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, the crowd turns in their seat, and Jisu does too, jolted by the collective movement, and she stares.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's Yeji, flushed with happiness, her wedding dress rolling in waves over the path. Her lacy veil settles right over her bare collarbones, and Jisu can see the small white flowers tucked in her dark hair. Jisu feels so empty. Yeji's so beautiful, and Jisu's here, wondering what could've been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu has fucked up most of her life, but this is the one area she doesn't dare encroach on. She wants her memories of Yeji to be sacred and special. She keeps away from Yeji and stays that way. Don't fix it if it ain't broke.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu met Yeji when their parents moved in next to each other. Yeji was older and kind to Jisu, who was deep in her emo anarchist phase to pay attention to the pretty girl who would debate with her about the government's role in society. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Sadly, her anarchist government knowledge has long since diminished, and even if it hadn't, the politicians at Yeji's wedding probably wouldn't like Jisu if she started talking about an anarchist world.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Jisu had crawled out of that phase of life and cringed a lot as she trashed her edgy </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jisu probably figured out she was gay then. Simple as that. Because every gay has an emo anarchist phase.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had to buy all new clothes, because she only had black "fuck da government" type clothing that simply would not do for her third year of high school, and she brought Yeji with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, of course, Yeji went off to university for pre-law.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They messaged each other regularly, Jisu stalked Yeji's Instagram the entire time, Yeji sent her pictures of her roommate's dorm contraband, such as a toaster and five hamsters, and Jisu is just happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji goes into law school, and their messages get sparse. Jisu's already dropped out of her music major and posts music online, editing tracks from the comfort of her closet. Her parents are disappointed in her, but let her stay in the house, as Jisu earns small commissions by making personalized songs for people's loved ones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu finally moves out of the house to go to visit an aunt in Canada and stays there for a while, making music in her aunt's spare office as snowflakes fall outside. It's peaceful. It's nice. Jisu starts making her own music and gets a few big hits, nothing more. The pay is essentially tips, and she earns more by taking song orders, but she enjoys it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji graduates and moves on to take small government jobs before finally, finally getting elected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu congratulates her and moves on. Yeji has always been unattainable, always cut slightly above everyone else. Now she works as a seat in the National Assembly of South Korea and as bragging rights for her parents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu returns back to Korea only for Yeji's wedding.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji has her kid in office. Her water breaks during a highly publicized National Assembly meeting, and it's big news in Korea for a while. Jisu takes the flight back to Korea to visit Yeji and her daughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jisu holds Yuna for the first time, she can't help but go back to Yeji's wedding, when she told herself why she stayed away. It's crazy how willing she is to throw that all away for this tiny, tiny baby. Yuna is so important and small and warm and alive, and it's the fact that Yeji made this kid, this tiny, big-eyed baby, and now, Jisu's holding this baby that Yeji made.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can't believe you built a skeleton in there." Jisu blurts out, gesturing to Yeji's now flattening belly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And a brain and organs and a nervous system." Yeji chimes in, looking at Jisu with a look that Jisu can't name. But there’s a little bit of wistfulness in there, too, and Jisu pauses on it, just for a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna keeps staring at her, her big eyes boring into Jisu's nervous face, because, there's! a! baby! in! her! arms! hot damn!, so she hands Yuna off to Yeji, smiling despite herself. It's a good day. She stays for another two weeks, staying with Yeji and her husband as she spends time with Yuna. She feeds her formula, which is such a wild concept for Jisu, rocks her to sleep, changes diapers, the whole shebang. Yeji thanks her profusely and begs her jokingly to stay a little longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu leaves anyway, her heart so full, it hurts.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time Yuna is four, Yeji and her husband have divorced. Yeji had been venting to Jisu since the beginning, how her husband wants her to quit her job and stay at home full-time. She rants about the messes he leaves around the apartment, and how it irks her. She screams over the phone about how he comes home late. The last straw is when her husband tells her to start acting like a woman and make him dinner. She hires a lawyer right after and calls Jisu about it afterward. Jisu misses the messy divorce bits, but she willingly talks with lawyers about how Yeji's husband had been treating her to help build Yeji's case. Yeji gets Yuna and her now ex-husband gets the apartment. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>"No one told me that making mac and cheese is actually difficult." Jisu is tucked up on the couch, sipping a juice box. Yuna's already gone to bed, and Yeji's back from her job influencing the country.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Yeji's still shuffling in the entryway, her heels clicking against the marble floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mac and cheese making is hard." she summarizes, watching Yeji open the sliding door to the rest of the apartment. She closes it after changing into some fuzzy socks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not that hard." Yeji's plugging in her laptop now, scrounging around in her bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's because you have Experience." Jisu inspects the juice box. It's 100% organic. Good to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The box has instructions on the back. They're not hard to follow."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, but I'm stupid, remember?" Jisu thinks back to when she lived in Canada and made love ballads, woefully uneducated. She’s still woefully uneducated but that doesn’t matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't say that. Besides, you're good at making ramen." Yeji finally pops out of her office and out to the living room-dining-kitchen space. She goes to the fridge and grabs a different juice box. It's called Razzle-Dazzle-Berry Lemonade. It's Yuna's favorite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yuna is going to murder you for that." Yeji's slurping the bright pink juice at rapid speeds. It's fascinating how quickly she does it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She only likes it because the juice is pink." Yeji waves Jisu's concern off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She also likes the taste. It's pink lemonade, Yeji, what kid wouldn't die for it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji pinches the bridge of her nose, thinking. "Tomorrow, can you go out with Yuna to the grocery store to grab some more juice packs?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Write a list, you know my pea-sized brain can't handle simple instructions." Jisu turns on the tv, and it opens right on Tobot at top volume. Jisu hastily turns it down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji rips off a scrap of paper and scribbles a list down for Jisu. she hands it to Jisu. Jisu looks at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yuna's juice boxes, chicken, cucumber, onion, tofu, blueberries..." Jisu reads out loud, stopping to look at Yeji, "Yuna's been harassing me about this Mimi doll toy, the one that comes with a house? She keeps telling me she'll put it on her card because she's a weirdo, but will you let her get it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji thinks for a second. "I guess, yeah. I know she has enough saved up to buy one, and I know she should learn about money and buying things."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, I'll take her to Homeplus to buy that with the groceries." Jisu sighs for a moment, "Out of everything I missed when I was in Canada, I think it was probably Homeplus I missed the most."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not me? Or your family? Or the culture?" Yeji snickers from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't appreciate that tone, young lady." Jisu sniffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mmm yeah sure." Yeji pauses, "You think Yuna's obsession with Mimi dolls is linked to me and her dad's split?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not that deep, Yeji."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She plays pretend family with her dolls. It makes me feel like I fucked up her childhood and she's trying to compensate by acting with it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Again, Yeji, it's not that deep." Jisu shakes her head, "Yuna is a pink-loving, extroverted monster who just happens to like playing with her dolls. Of course, it's a family setup, she's not playing courthouse or something."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, of course, but I can't help but feel concerned."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeesh, Concerned Mom does not look good on you." Jisu teases Yeji, knowing that Concerned Mom looks so good on her. This sucks. Jisu is attracted to a Concerned Mom politician. Jisu might as well break into the Blue House and spray paint the words "I love Hwang Yeji" onto it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I guess." Yeji's so sad like it's her fault her daughter likes pink and playing with dolls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, cheer up." Jisu nags, "and come watch Tobot with me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There's nothing I would enjoy more," Yeji tells her, her eyes too honest. Jisu breaks their eye contact. They settle together on the couch with their juice boxes and watch a bunch of 10-year-olds fight off an evil man with glasses.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu stays over for the night on the couch and gets poked repeatedly by Yeji's spawn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna has wider eyes than Yeji, but they have practically identical noses, so don't fully blame Jisu for saying, "stop bothering me, Yeji."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m not mommy," Yuna informs her, body-slamming her. Jisu yelps when Yuna's elbows land right on her gut, but she deserves it, she thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu pulls Yuna onto her chest, holding her tight. Yuna stops squirming after a while and just lays on her. She's warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We're going grocery shopping today," Jisu tells her, stroking her hair. It's a little tangled, and Yuna is definitely going to hiss at Jisu when she tries to brush it, but it smells like lavender shampoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can I buy my Mimi house today?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your mom said it was fine. We'll go to Homeplus."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna slinks out of Jisu's grasp, fully excited. "Homeplus?!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna and Jisu definitely have a love for Homeplus. Yuna still likes E-Mart better, though. Absolute slander.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They get ready and Yuna puts her money in her second favorite purse, a pink cat one, and they head off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu takes her on the subway and Yuna immediately zooms off to chat with people in the train car. Jisu has to pry her away from talking to old ladies five times before they get to their stop, apologizing profusely. The old ladies don't mind, or so they say, and pinch Yuna's cheeks. They give her some old people candy. Yuna tries to slink the candy over to Jisu. It works and Jisu finds her pockets full of ginseng candies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuna's full-on skipping around, whining about when she gets to go to the toy section. Jisu gives in just before sliding onto the food area and heads up another level to the toy floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She's so giddy, it makes Jisu smile. She hopes Yuna keeps her childlike wonder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They go to the doll aisle, where Yuna gapes at the sight of pristine pink Mimi dolls in various outfits encased in plastic. On the other side of the aisle are robot figurines in various shapes and forms. It's a little funny because one side is bright pink and the other is a strong blue. A mom and her two boys fight about the type of robot they can buy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna is still enthralled with dolls and ignores the Mimi dollhouse set to look at different sets, large eyes roving over the boxes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your daughter?" The mom is suddenly right next to Jisu, scaring her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu doesn't have time to deny it when the mom launches into her next spiel. "She must be an angel. My boys are uncontrollable sometimes." The mom laughs. Jisu doesn't really get Mom Humor, and if this is Mom Humor, then why bother becoming a mom?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ah, that's not my daughter. I’m just helping out a friend." Jisu apologizes. Yuna helps her out by calling her Jisu, not "</span>
  <em>
    <span>eomma</span>
  </em>
  <span>". The mom looks embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, I’m sorry. have a nice day." The mom disappears?? Her mom powers are impeccable. It really tips the balance of being a mom. On one hand, awkward mom humor, but on the other, fucking invincible mom powers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jisu, can I get this one instead?" Yuna picks out a pink box that definitely does not contain a Mimi Doll With Mimi's House!™</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu inspects the box. It has a Mimi doll with a blue refrigerator packed with small, plastic food. It's half as much as the Mimi house, so Jisu agrees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can save your extra money now," Jisu tells Yuna. Yuna just gives her a self-assured smirk (which- what the fuck? where did she learn that?) and picks out another Mimi doll. it's a Mimi picnic set. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna pulled a fast one on Jisu. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another blow is that she definitely can afford it and will most likely also splurge on those fat gumballs near the cashier stations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu just sighs, knowing she can't fight off a very determined five year with a stupid "you can't do that cause I said so." Jisu hated her parents for doing that to her. Yuna should be able to know about the "treat yo self" lifestyle. Jisu lets her buy them both. Yuna coddles the boxes like it is babies. They continue shopping for food and Yuna leaves Jisu to carry the bags the entire ride back home. This means Jisu is physically impaired and cannot catch Yuna when she goes to talk to random people about her Mimi doll purchase. Jisu just has to go to the people once Yuna's done chatting them up about the glory of the Mimis to apologize. The old people continually find her cute and continually hand her old people candy. They tell Jisu it's fine. Jisu thanks them for not being mean to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna is more social than Jisu could ever be. Maybe it's just called being a kid, but Jisu thinks Yuna will continue being this extrovert for forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finally arrive at their stop and walk to the cluster of apartments that Yeji lives in. It's much nicer than the apartment she had to give up to her husband. They have guards and check ID and everything. Jisu gets checked by the guard just for being a babysitter. The guard just gives Yuna a pinch on the cheek and tells her she picked out good dolls. Jisu is currently handing over her ID. Yuna is currently handing over her receipt. They are not the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu heads to their apartment building after being cleared by security and puts in the passcode for the building's main entrance. After that, a passcode for the elevator. After</span>
  <em>
    <span> that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a passcode for the apartment. It's extensive. Yuna kicks off her shoes and runs off to her room to unbox her dolls, leaving Jisu to unpack the food and make something for them to eat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's almost 1 pm, so Jisu makes grilled cheese with ham for them. Yuna zooms out to snatch her plate and disappears into her room before Jisu calls her back because "you can't eat in your room, or else the bugs will come and eat the crumbs, and soon, your face." Yuna's still five, so Jisu can pull this shit on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna goes back to the table and eats her grilled cheese quickly. Jisu eats hers over the sink, as she did in college, before.. dropping out of college. Jisu can hear Yuna's play voice as she introduces the new dolls to her older ones. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hi, I’m an exchange student to live with you!" A high-pitched voice exclaims.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m a chef!" Another high-pitched voice says after.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The picnic doll is probably the exchange student, due to the fact that the background for the box is of the Eiffel tower. The chef doll is obvious from the Mimi doll with the refrigerator. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's cute, how kids play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jisu is done eating, she goes to a shelving cabinet, where some picture albums are, and hauls out old photo albums. She's feeling nostalgic. She also feels like a creep for looking at Yeji's photo albums, but c'est la vie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stares at the picture of Yeji's wedding. Yeji in her wedding dress. The way the dress cinched and folded in delicate rolls. She looks genuinely happy. Jisu remembers peeking over the photographer's shoulder to see the shots. She gave Yeji an over-the-top heart gesture, and Yeji laughed. The picture of her slightly bent over, laughing is also in the album. Jisu stares at the picture, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flips farther, where clip-outs of printed articles about Yuna's surprise birth during the assembly meeting. Jisu reads them.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"It was such a rush," Lawmaker Hwang Yeji says, recounting the experience, "I just remember feeling extremely uncomfortable during the meeting. my water broke in the middle of a heated debate at the time, and I was so surprised that I interrupted them so rudely. They were so annoyed by that, but I had to ask them for a pardon. and they said, why, and I had to go, my water just broke. After that, I went to the hospital and had my daughter."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Will you tell your daughter about this?" </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Well, of course," Lawmaker Hwang laughed, "she felt the need to interrupt all these politicians at a time like this. She's legendary."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu goes to the next page, looking at Yuna's baby pictures. Yuna was such a slimy blob when she was born, but Jisu arrived when Yuna had calmed down from her slimy era. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost a year ago, Yeji had picked Jisu up at the airport when she left Canada for the last time and caught her attention with a hideous hand-made sign with glitter and massive heart cutouts sticking to the edges. "JISU," the sign said, "YOU BETTER STAY FOR GOOD THIS TIME!" Jisu still has it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna was half-asleep in her mom's arms but greeted Jisu energetically with a wet kiss against her cheek. Jisu carried Yuna to the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't believe how big she is!" Jisu told Yeji, swaying a little, "It feels like yesterday that Yuna was this little baby that just popped out of your womb."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know." Yeji is staring at them with such a fond look. "It feels like yesterday, huh?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu's mouth curls into a smirk, "Oh, don't go all mom-y on me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shut up and get in the car," Yeji tells her, smiling, motioning to a sleek black car. Jisu clumsily sets Yuna in a pink car-seat and just talks with Yeji. It's nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji offers her a job to babysit Yuna ("I’ll pay a lot, I swear, and I’m super fair. I just work late a lot..") because Yuna's last babysitter tried to invite her boyfriend to Yeji's house to make him believe she was rich. Ah, teenagers. Jisu tells her that even though she's not that good with kids, you couldn't pry her away from Yuna.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji pulled her out of her sad reality to do something that fanfictions dream about. Babysit your crush's cute kid. Yeji isn't just a crush, though, Jisu is plain in love with her. She's funny and happy and such a good mom to Yuna. Jisu can tell, from the way she tenderly tucks Yuna for bed and how she takes the time to appreciate all of Yuna's weirdness instead of trying to mold her into a polite, quiet kid. She really tries to be the best mom for Yuna. She knows when to reel her in and let her go free. She cares for everything that moves. She's the type of person you fall in love with when watching movies. She's a Hallmark movie protagonist, but Jisu can only hope she's the love interest, not the ignored best friend. It's okay, even if she is because Yeji just makes her feel happy. As long as she's around Yeji and Yuna, she'll be okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey!" It's Yeji. This is surprising for a number of reasons. One, Yeji has worked late for almost three months now. Why break the streak? Two, Jisu is deep in her feelings for Yeji, and seeing Yeji in this state means she is going to embarrass herself because of FEELINGS EW.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Whatcha doing here? It's almost 2 pm, you crazy hooligan." Jisu puts away the photo album and stands up, stretching. Something cracks, and it hurts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Haha old." Yeji heard her old-person bones cracking. Damn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks, Yeji. Love you too." Jisu deadpans, going to the kitchen to hand Yeji a razzle-dazzle-berry lemonade juice box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yuna, your mom is here!" Jisu screams, and Yuna freakishly pops next to her, her face cracked into a huge smile. It's almost creepy, but Jisu is used to how weird Yuna is. It's just part of her brand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hi, mommy!!" Yuna clamors over to Yeji, tugging her to her room, "I bought Chef Mimi and Exchange Student Mimi today!!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Two dolls?" Yeji mouths to Jisu. Jisu shrugs in reply. Yeji disappears in her daughter's bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeji, did you eat anything?" Jisu asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, but I was thinking we could go out for ice cream. It's really nice out." Yeji sticks her head out of the door, and Jisu smiles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji carries Yuna out of the apartment, letting Jisu linger behind them. Yeji has changed out of her wretched Hillary Clinton-esque pantsuit, and into some jeans and a casual blouse. Her hair is loose, swinging in the wind. She looks really good. She always looks really good. How does she do it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna crawls all over her like a demonic squirrel, babbling in her foreign Yuna speak that always takes Jisu a moment to translate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji was right, it is nice outside. The sun is out, but there's a light breeze. They take the long walk to the convenience store to enjoy the moment a little bit more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna spots the store before they do and plops off Yeji before rushing off. Jisu catches her just before she runs across the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Honestly, Yuna." Jisu sighs, swinging her around a little, "We need to shake the crazy out of you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They make it to the store in one piece and Yuna picks a bright pink swirl popsicle. Jisu picks the same type. Yeji picks a red bean ice cream bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wow, you really are old, huh." Jisu teases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji flushes, "I am so old."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not that old," Jisu whispers to her. "Boomer."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji flicks her forehead and Jisu yelps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sweet revenge," Yeji cackles, handing the popsicles over to the cashier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yuna gets it from you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walk to the playground, surrounded by looming apartment buildings. Yeji lets Yuna play after finishing her popsicle. Jisu just sits in the shade and watches Yuna scramble around gleefully. It's a nice, false sense of belonging that she keeps accumulating the more she spends time with them. It's dizzying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jisu, play with me!" Yuna screeches, hanging dangerously off the monkey bars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu runs over and catches her just as she falls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna gives her a huge shit-eating grin. Jisu shakes her violently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why are you like this?" Jisu shakes her some more. Yuna keeps giggling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I’ll be it," Yuna tells her. Jisu likes this game because she gets to tease Yuna for being slow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu lunges up the steps and disappears into the mess of the playground. It's a really nice playground, but it's confusing. There are so many slides?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jisu, I’m coming." Yuna's voice comes from somewhere, but it's far off, so she gets the luxury of waiting around for a bit, wondering why Yuna is taking so long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Got ya!" Yuna says gleefully. Her voice is coming from below Jisu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna, ever sly, went under where Jisu was standing and poked her finger through the holes, tapping Jisu's foot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You cheated!" Jisu shrieks. She must look pathetic. A five-year-old bests her in tag. She's shrieking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, woe is Jisu," Yeji calls from her bench by the swings. Jisu flings herself from the playground and rolls on the concrete to lunge at Yeji. She tags her, and Yeji blinks back in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m not playing." Yeji says just as Jisu says: "You're it!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu gleefully runs away from her, watching as Yeji sighs and gets up from her seat, and starts running. Yeji's legs seem to lengthen as she dashes towards Jisu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu tries to disappear in the monstrous playground, careful to watch for fingers poking through the holes in the platform.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji appears out of nowhere suddenly (like mother, like daughter) and catches Jisu by her arm and grabs her, tugging her to her chest. They're pressed flush to each other's chests, heaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gotcha," Yeji whispers, out of breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good job," Jisu replies stupidly, wrapping her arms around Yeji. They stay like that for a while before Yuna screams that Jisu is it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their hug still lingers on Jisu's mind when they leave the playground.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji's been looking worse for wear all week. Yeji brushes it off as her job being demanding as usual, but Jisu can't quite settle on that as the cause. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu does a bit of high-class stalking (aka looking at Yeji's phone, but it's not her fault that her phone password is Yuna's birthday!) and finds her Instagram search is of her old husband. Jisu hesitantly clicks on the profile and gets blasted with photos of him and a woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shin Jimin</span>
</p><p>
  <span>owner of Artisanal Foods</span>
</p><p>
  <span>engaged to my beautiful fiancee</span>
</p><p>
  <span>baby on the way!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are pictures of him and her together, and ultrasounds of their baby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yeji is over him, but there must be a reason why it must bother her. Jisu's tucked up in a blanket on the floor of Yeji’s bedroom and she stares for a moment at Yeji's sleeping figure like a creep. She sighs and turns back to Yeji’s phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it's the fact that he left so easily. The asshole seemed happy to leave Yeji and Yuna. He didn't even want custody. Fucking asshole, she says to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it's that he's doing so well but Yeji is still a single, divorced mom. Jisu clicks the home button and carefully replaces it, plugging it back into its charging station.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu's sleeping over again as she does regularly because she likes being here. Here, where Yuna has binged the marvel movies with Jisu despite the language. She likes being here, where Yeji shuffles in the entryway and drinks a juice box instead of a beer like a normal person and makes an effort to talk with Jisu despite her tiring day. She likes being here, where Yuna smells like baby shampoo and once called her mom and Yeji lets her borrow her clothes and once called her baby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu drifts back to sleep in a blanket that smells like Yeji.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The National Assembly is having a family picnic. They've rented an entire park and Yeji writes Jisu down as her guest. Jisu pretends not to be as thrilled as she secretly is. Yeji gets weirdly invested in it. She even curls Yuna's hair and lets her wear a pink sundress that she'll most likely get dirty. Jisu lets Yeji indulge and asks her for clothing advice, which Yeji always likes to hear. Yeji hires a babysitter to replace Jisu, the babysitter, for Yuna while she takes Jisu out shopping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They go to fancy shopping malls that Jisu would never even step into and try on what seems like hundreds of pairs of mid-rise jeans in the perfect shade of blue. Yeji buys her a yellow blouse with flowy, ruffled sleeves that Jisu admittedly likes and a pair of perfectly blue mid-rise jeans. The price makes her eyes pop but Yeji buys it quickly like she was expecting Jisu to protest. Jisu does, but Yeji just tells her to hush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Think of it as me repaying a favor," Yeji says softly, and it makes Jisu stop, just a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu lets her buy the clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji wears soft pink khakis and a loose, tan silk button-up. She looks casual and perfect and happy. She's thrilled to do things like a shop with friends. Jisu is brought back to the time she begged Yeji to help her buy clothes for her junior year of high school. She still owns some of the clothes they bought, just because it's good clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They arrive in Yeji's sleek car. Yeji lets Yuna loose with the other kids. Jisu is left to awkwardly socialize with a bunch of politicians and their obsessive wives. It rings a bell that sounds a hell of a lot like Yeji's wedding where Jisu would stuff her face with food to avoid rubbing elbows with people who wanted to talk about da law. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is Jisu, my close friend. She also takes care of my daughter while I'm at work." Yeji calmly introduces Jisu to a group of wives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello, I'm Kim Sohyun." One wife looks at her, scrutinizing her. "I like your blouse. Where'd you get it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu definitely does not know where Yeji bought her blouse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks,” is all she says. Jisu is stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm Park Inhye." another introduces herself. She looks even snootier. She's definitely wearing designer clothes, despite Jisu not knowing the brands, "So tell me about yourself."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels like a job interview Jisu will definitely not pass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I met Yeji when I was in middle school." She offers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their eyes narrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"After high school, I went to stay in Canada and.." what's a fancy word for making love songs about Yeji in a spare room? "I also composed music." Good, good. She looks fancy and well-educated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm Han Miseon." Another introduces themself. They're all slowly introducing themselves when they find Jisu eloquent. It hurts just a little, but she's used to it. She's a gay songwriter who ran away from Korea because she's in love with someone. That's an indie movie just by itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu tries to think of any achievements. Having roughly 300 subscribers on Youtube is not one of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So you know English?" Another wife chimes in. She looks younger, kinder. she's definitely tossing Jisu a lifeline. Jisu takes it thankfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, I'm fluent in English." Jisu tries not to brag. English-speaking isn't a rare trait to have in Korea, but she can tell these wives have only beginner English skills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, that's great. Can you tutor my son in English?" the younger wife asks, giving her a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu looks over the green hills to where Yeji is laughing with her coworkers, chatting happily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I already have to take care of Yuna, but I'll see if I can get to it, ..?" Jisu is getting a job offer in this hellish interview and she doesn't even know the name of her employer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Lee Chaeryeong." The woman introduces herself kindly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu bows awkwardly, "Thank you, Ms. Lee."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She excuses herself to the refreshments table, so she can escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently, everyone will head under the white tents when it's lunchtime, with actually catered food. Jisu can't help but stare longingly at the layers of kimbap the staff is laying out. Jisu is going to embarrass herself when she pigs out later, but it'll be so worth it. Suddenly, there's a gurgle and a chocolate fountain springs to life. Jisu stares at it with wide eyes. She's never going to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna joins her at the refreshments, out of breath. Jisu picks the grass out of her hair and settles her on her hip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ji-su." Yuna tugs gently at her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Jisu rubs her scalp. It doesn't actually hurt, but it's a habit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can I have some lemonade? I can't reach." Yuna tells her, pointing at the lemonade dispenser and the fancy cups stacked with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure," Jisu says. Jisu hopes she's not violating some type of code by doing this. What if there's alcohol in this, and she's just feeding Yuna toxins? All the moms will definitely hate her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu picks up a cup and fills it with lemonade half-way, handing it to Yuna, who downs it quickly and runs off to her new friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu watches her go. Yuna goes back to rolling down a hill with the kids. They're all taking turns until Yuna starts to tell them something and they all head towards Jisu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yuna, what-?" A gaggle of children has surrounded Jisu, and it's frightening. They could all gang up on her and Jisu could die. Without even being able to eat that chocolate fountain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I told them you're good at spinning me around and that you could spin them around, too." Yuna gives her a big, hopeful smile. Jisu rolls her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who's first?" Jisu asks, and immediately, kids start proclaiming that they are the first. Jisu makes them do rock paper scissors and makes them go to a huge clearing where they won't crash into the refreshments table, which will definitely make the moms hate her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu picks one of them up, the winner, and swings them around. They giggle happily, screaming. Jisu wishes she could be this small again, able to be swung around, feel the wind tossing after her. Jisu sets the kid down and takes the next one. By the fifth kid, people are definitely looking at her. It's probably how they're alarmed by their kid's screams. Jisu pretends not to notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She's gotten through the entire line, swinging kids like they are key-chains that fell off Jisu's backpack. By the time Jisu gets to Yuna, they're called for lunch, and she tells the kids to eat loads so they can be as strong as her. The parents keep giving her weird looks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji looks like she's about to break into a huge smile. "Who knew that kids really like you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Kids are attracted to my sheer power to swinging them around," Jisu shrugs, sitting right in between Yuna and Yeji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you told me that you're not good with kids." Yeji tsks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Correction: turns out, I'm great with kids."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Counterpoint: you're good at flinging them around."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Counter-counterpoint: they like me for that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jisu noona." One of the kids across the table from her calls to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah?" she replies, leaning over their plates to listen. Kids can be so loud sometimes and so quiet sometimes. It's weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can you swing me after lunch?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You need to digest your food after. I'll play games with you guys after lunch though."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you, Jisu noona."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh man, have my children, Jisu." Yeji whispers, wheezing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gladly," Jisu whispers back, patting Yeji's belly. "Babies are made when two people love each other veryyyyy much."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji snickers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna slips from her chair to go to Yeji's and sits in her lap. For a second, they feel like a happy family. Only for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are you paid to babysit Yuna?" A wife asks her and Jisu forces a clearly fake smile onto her face. Anyone should be able to see that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's nunya." Jisu says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's nuny-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nunya business," Jisu says quietly. A crew of children giggles. Jisu is super fucking funny to kids for no reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wife flushes with embarrassment and snaps at her son to be quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji is trying not to smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Whatever it is, I'm sure I can top it." Another wife chimes in. Jesus. They're never-ending. Why are there so many straight people? Jisu can't breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I like being with Yuna and Yeji. Yeji's my best friend." Jisu tells her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's great," the wife waves it off, and Jisu frowns, "But you're great with my kid, and I can pay whatever you want."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wow, look at you." Yeji whispers to her, "middle-aged moms want you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That sounds so wrong."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They get served such a fantastic feast. Jisu eats everything that touches her plate and steals a couple off of Yeji's plate, whatever it is. It's all delicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bet I can fit five cream puffs in my mouth," Jisu says to Yuna. Yuna's eyes grow wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bet you can't."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu can not only fit five cream puffs in her mouth, but seven. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna tells her she's her hero.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lunch ends almost too quickly, so everyone sits outside, where the sky is getting cloudier. There's no forecast for rain, so there's no threat. Jisu tries to wiggle off the kids attached to her like they're leeches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu is happy. She's always had this small desire of wanting kids. Granted, it may just be the Female Hormones spiking up, but it's still there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The picnic is finishing up at this point, but they're all waiting around, trying to absorb the good vibes. She shakes off the kids attached to her and stretches a little. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow, I is old</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jisu thinks as her bone pops.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wind has stopped, you know,  being wind, and it goes deadly still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yuna!" Jisu can feel the change in the air. It's going to rain. She grabs Yuna and snatches her up, just as a resounding boom is heard through the sky. Rain falls, suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shields Yuna's little body and holds her close. Kids are being grabbed by their parents. Jisu looks for Yeji, who's just standing in the rain, soaked to the bone. She grabs her hand and tugs her towards the car. Yeji snaps out of it and unlocks her car. Yuna is only a little wet, tucked into her car seat. She suddenly looks very tired and slumps a little in her pink seat. Yuna's eyes flutter close. It's the tiredness and the sound of rain, Jisu thinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You'll never leave me and Yuna, right?" Yeji is holding onto Jisu's arm tightly. Jisu thinks she's crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's raining!" She yells like it's going to stop this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do I pay you enough? What do I have to do to keep you here?" Yeji's hair is impossibly smooth, so dark. Jisu focuses on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love being here," Jisu says. "You can't pry me away."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji's eyeshadow is starting to drip onto her face. She's pink and sparkly. At least her cheeks are. Jisu avoids looking at Yeji's eyes, hoping this isn't a dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji kisses her. Jisu can suddenly feel her toes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's all so perfect. Kissing in the rain. Jisu kisses her back, placing her hand behind Yeji's neck, to pull her closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji must realize where they are (standing in the rain like idiots) because she pulls away first and opens Jisu's car door before scurrying to the driver's side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's not a love story without a scene in the rain.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They don't talk about it. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu's trudging back home to her parent's apartment. She doesn't stay over at Yeji's anymore. She just gets up early enough in the window of time when Yeji leaves for work and Yuna wakes up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's dark out, the streetlights shining bright. Jisu passes drunken couples and friends on their way to the next bar. She can't remember a time where she's had anyone other than Yeji and Yuna. That's okay because she still has Yuna. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuna has a playdate with a kid from the picnic, Jisu reminds herself, so Jisu needs to take her there. She tries not to think about the picnic. Once it gels, you can't undo it. She and Yeji are essentially seven-layer dip at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chips are Yuna, trying to pry. It hurts Jisu. Yuna must think of them as her parents, and her female figures are suddenly not talking. It's a second divorce all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisu keeps walking.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They hit the two-week streak of not talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji ambushes her on the way to the subway at night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm so sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's a good opening line. Jisu tries not to look at Yeji's eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"For what?" She sounds like every cliche romance movie character ever, but dammit, why can't she have a bit of romance in her life?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"For not telling you how I felt. For not talking about it. I've liked you for so long, ever since you stayed over when Yuna was a baby. The divorce was me and my ex hashing it out because he thought I didn't love him anymore. I'm the worst, I know, but please?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've liked you for so long, too." Jisu is trying to blink her tears. One escapes and lands on the sidewalk. She stares at it. "I've liked you ever since high school."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeji touches her shoulder awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I guess I'm an idiot." Yeji confesses, "a huge idiot."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We're both idiots."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stay still, together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Yeji blurts, fidgeting. Jisu can only focus on how perfect she is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why wouldn't I?" Jisu says softly. "Let's go home."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>be a dear and tell me what you think! validate me with kudos! :)<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/honeyeddeong">twitter!</a><br/><a href="https://curiouscat.qa/honeyeddeong">curious cat!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>